So, this week was one of the best of the summer.

First of all, I went to an amazing Harry Potter Downtown Extravaganza! dressed as a Hufflepuff with Aubrey.







I started reading Deathly Hallows right away and finished within about 3 days. I found it satisfying, depressing, and also a bit disappointing. Many people have described it as being fanfic-y and I kind of agree.

I also got to spend an entire week with Peter! I got to have him for my birthday! <3

I celebrated by stuffing my face with one and a half pounds of crab legs and drinking my first legal drink at Red Lobster. It was delicious and probably had very little alcohol in it. But it was pretty! :)

I also was legally served alcoholic beverages at a bar, and I didn’t even have to pay for them! *clink clink* to a future of alcoholism and mooching…how grand :D

Also, Best Birthday Present EVAR!!!!!!!! Aubrey crocheted me a Robert Smith doll. How amazing is she?



Speaking of amazing, on September 23rd, I get to see the Cure, FINALLY, at Madison Square Garden...freaking THIRD ROW. I hope to get jowl-sweat all the fuck over me. Plus I'm going with a friend who is as obsessed as I am with Robert Smith, and my high school English teacher XD

Ok, now for some ridiculousness!

If you have feel anxiety over the size of you man-parts (as I do every waking moment), do not despair... there is a probably (through unlikely) someone out there who is smaller than you.

...ever had one of those days where is was imperative that you live your day as a black women? Well, Lois Lane has...



...what?



Oh NOES! All the stop signs are...GREEN!

And finally, I love out-of-context comic panels that are obviously sexual.



oh subtlety...you're my favorite <3

Hooray 19th Century dildos!

I am slowly making my way through the second season of Boston Legal and in episode 20, "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," a divorcing couple are fighting over possession of a Victoria Erotica collection. They fight for possession of the premiere piece of the collection: The Hysteria Machine. I found it fascinating, and hilarious. I think I would love to go to a sex museum. Someone should take me.

Here is some dialogue from the courtroom:

Shirley Schmidt: Could you tell us how the Hysteria Machine works?

Clifford Cabot: Women would frequently complain of symptoms such as nervousness, heaviness in the abdomen, vaginal lubrication, insomnia, and so on. Physicians referred to these symptoms as “hysteria,” but of course they were actually signs of sexual arousal. Before inventions such as this, the physicians would ‘massage’ a woman until she reached a climactic “paroxysm,” as they called it.

Shirley Schmidt: And how did this machine come into being?

Clifford Cabot: A doctor invented it because, well...his arms got tired.


Behold, the Hysteria Machine:



Oh those Victorians, the crazy buggers, treating female sexuality as an illness.
I miss having lewd suppertime conversation. I want to talk about pornography and masturbation and penises while I eat! It helps digestion. I'm not sure my family would appreciate it...

I finished Life of Pi today. It was pretty good, especially...the iiiiiisland. Mostly, I wasn't very motivated to read the book, I just wanted to finish it...so I sucked most of the pleasure out of it. However, I was amazed at how much could happen in the middle of the ocean, in a lifeboat...for 200 pages... god...

I would have gotten more out of it if I hadn't been skimming, but...I am done. *throws book in the corner* Actually, that's a lie. I placed it gently on the book shelf, and I liked it just fine. Now, if only I would finish One Hundred Years of Solitude, which I love (So much. It's amazingly written, and although I am only halfway through the novel, it is easily one of my favorite books), but haven't gotten around to picking back up. Oh magic realism, yer so crazy.

I ate a fortune cookie today. It read:

You will be rewarded for your hard work this past month. . .

. . .in bed. :D:D

Well, I finished The End, and although it was enjoyable, it was slightly disappointing. I was hoping for more punch. An ending that made me go...Ohhhh Myyyyy GOD! But, it didn't. It was pleasant though. Read it within 24 hours.

I am having a difficult time starting my 2nd short story for class. It is due in less than 6 days. I have a sort of idea right now, and am trying to hammer some words out.

Hung out with Bre today. I have a Dev.Psych midterm on Wednesday which I have to study for, plus stories to critique. All that and work on my short story. I want to have something done that I can give to Aubrey to read.

Aubrey stayed with me this past weekend, and it was highly enjoyable. We had tons of lesbian sex. Oh! And we totally had alcohol. Aubrey drank it legally though. The Sevy boys had a party. I got to talk to Rachel, Max, Nik, Adam and others. It was pleasant. For the party we went on a "booze run." Aubrey and Brandon went to the liquor store and Peter and I went to Econo for mixers.

I got to watch Carl play this Sega/SuperNintendo game, Earthworm Jim, which is this really surreal, acid-tripped-out video game. It was awesome. Then Peter and I watched Cube. I'm not sure he enjoyed it as much as I do...

I got the 13th Lemony Snicket book today, The End, and on page 62, this line made me laugh:

"My father was devoured by a manatee, and my mother was washed ashore when she was pregnant with me."

HAH!

Battlestar was awesome as always, and Aubrey is going to stay the weekend!